Do you not know I am a woman? When I think, I speak! (Shakespeare-As you like it)

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BBC, Comment, English language, London, Paris, Shakespeare, Simon Schama, William Shakespeare

The Thinking Man sculpture at Musée Rodin in Paris (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Many of speak often before we realise what we have said. It happens naturally and Shakespeare’s quote above heightens our intellect but suggesting that we only pass comment when we think. In actual fact, whilst we do think about what we are going to say we do not extend our thoughts and think what kind of reaction will my comment have on others. We think, but our thinking is limited. The result is misunderstanding, confusion and often upsetting or hurting another person.

So how does one teach their child the ability to ignore the thoughtless comments?

We have all done it and we will continue to do it. We will pass a throw away comment that will have a negative impact or hurt the person that the comment has been made to-do we really thin about what we are going to say? Most of the time people don’t mean it but sometimes they get a theme a seize every opportunity to pass a comment related to the theme. In this instance, the theme my family have taken hold of relates to me being ‘single.’ 

The family who are visiting Paris have unwittingly passed comments and sometimes have passed comments in a measured thought through manner. Being exposed to remarks such as, ‘You need a man’ or ‘Is he married’ and then finally, ‘No man should ever go for a woman with kids, he will have to take care of them.’ or something to that effect, along with when discussing your wizard, painter decorator who is organising your apartment, the next comment to fly out is again, ‘Is he married?’ 

And whilst my family have contradicted themselves in all the above comments and I can clearly see their irrationality to their statements. I still manage to get irritated and land up arguing the opposing point of view. My kids both roll their eyes and give me dark looks, their dark looks have the clear message of, ‘Mom, just ignore it!’ But I can’t as I find it impossible to follow the advice I will give to my own kids and the students I teach.

I guess there are two issues here, the first being: What is wrong with being single? and the second issue might be, ‘ why are they continual commenting on the fact that I am single?’ And yes, they are stricking a chord with the comments, after all, how many people want to grow old alone?

So why do people do it? Why do we make such outrageous comments that cause harm or irritation? Why are we unable to control what comes out of our mouths?We certainly don’t think about what we are going to say! I know a small number of people who are measured and pass comments that are carefully crafted and judged, they are generally my friends in the diplomatic world but for those of us who are untrained in thinking about what we say, we tend to craft careless statements that can have a negative impact on others.

And if I have not learnt the control to ignore the comments passed, how will I teach my kids? I think Shakespeare made a mistake in this quote, we don’t think about what we are going to say and if we do, the verbal harpoon that is pointed at you is certainly poisoned!

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Superwomen

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California, Family, Hong Kong, Mother, Parent, people, United States, Women

There are many amazing women out in the world and often they are the heroines behind the heroic man. Since my fire disaster I have met many inspirational and amazing women. Some will continue to stay in our lives and sadly, some will leave our lives but continue along their inspirational journeys.

So this is a goodbye until we meet again to some of those wonderful women who have taught me so much. Two ‘au revoirs’ go to American ladies. One is moving to Hong Kong and the other is returning to California.

We often stereotype people and Californians can get a bad reputation but the one friend, an ex super model, is kind generous and caring but not only does she have those skills but her story is inspirational. Her mom, determined that she would get a degree, cut her financially off when she was offered a modeling contract. Afterall, models do have a reputation of not being intelligent enough for University. However, this women insight to see the gap in the market, her ability to be disciplined and sensible meant that she saved every penny that she earned for work and was astute enough to invest wisely. This has made her an independent woman and listening to her story inspired me to be more focussed and more disciplined.

Another American friend, never hesitates to help people. As soon as she heard about the fire in my apartment she immediately took my daughter and myself under her wing and made us stay in her exquisite apartment next to Notre Dame. This friend has exceptional taste in decor and supreme intelligence, again, I found myself learning so much from her. Not only did she give me kindness for two weeks but she taught me to desire knowledge again and her thirst for knowledge, her ability to process ideas and sythesise them and her lack of fear in learning a new language was admirable and inspirational. Additionally, she has encouraged me to learn my French and gave me her own personal Ipod with Michel Thomas French lessons to listen to every day. I have started this.

Not all women have to be mature or have experienced life. One of the wisest woman I know is merely 25 years old. Young and vibrant, she has inspired me and helped me find a sense of calm in myself. She holds a spirituality around and all people are drawn to her happy positive nature. She has played a special role in our lives and is like an older sister to my daughter. She has shown me what friendship is and given my daughter a sense of value that perhaps I have not shown my daughter.

And then there are those who thankfully continue to stay in our lives. There is the mother of all, who takes care of her young, who is always a mere phone call away and has an abundance of love for everyone that she knows. I am thankful that she will continue to stay in my life and take me off to the local school bar when in need of a little tlc…

And there are the women who work with me, each person has taught me something and continues to make me a better person, even when sometimes I disagree with them.

There have been women in the UK, women in SA, all who have had a pivitol role in my life at some point. There has been the ex- mother-in-law, who taught love and then there is always finally your mothers and mine.

My adoptive mother sadly passed away a while ago, but she was a rock in which everyone leaned upon, she prayed and worried about the world and those she encountered and then there is a biological mother, who had so much courage to give a child a life and truly I am grateful…

for all of these women in my life and my children’s lives.

There are many superwomen in the world and we should celebrate them all, every day!

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