Last week I celebrated my son’s 19th birthday. In many ways, one is still a child at the age of 19. This inbetween age, when you are between school and university; teenagehood and adulthood, is incredibly difficult. I remember that from about the age of 16 to the age of….well many years into the future; that I resented my parents for keeping my wings clipped.
My son, still lives under my roof and he will do for another couple of months before the university term starts, and I find that what was once an incredibly close relationship is currently a living nightmare. There are daily arguments. According to my son, I am unable to see his point of view and from my perspective, I am wanting him to help and support in a manner that does not seem unreasonable.
I guess the young mind believes that the thoughts they are having are rational and understandable. I can totally understand my son’s point of view, as at 19 I really felt my parents were unreasonable and irrational. In actual fact, there is probably an element where I still do think my parents are irrational and unreasonable. And then I am almost certain that my ex married me because his parents did not want him to marry me at the tender age of 20. He got engaged to me without even discussing it with them, even though we had our son, my current 19-year-old. My marriage was his act of rebellion towards his parents. What happens to our minds as we age?
I honestly, never thought that what was an exceptionally close relationship with my son, would end with numerous fights as he steps onto his new path and I let him fly the nest. I really believed that it would be a wonderful and exciting experience. I still hold that belief but I am surprised that we now fight daily. It is not what I intended for his final months. It seems like all the arguments that the other teens were having with their parents whilst my son and I were happily just getting on with it, has caught us up and we are now arguing daily to make up for the 13-18 years of peace.
As parents, I know we don’t know everything and our attitudes and beliefs continue to change as our life experiences change us and we educate ourselves, along with the natural progression of age but at what point do we let go.and allow our child, whom we love unconditionally, make their own decisions and choices. Is he still under my rule whilst living with me or should I be allowing him to come and go as he pleases and not ask him to support and help. I am a little confused because more than anything, I want to ensure the close bond that we have continues as I let him fly the nest