I have looked forward to hearing from him all week. He has been away. Business. He usually takes me out on his business trips but this time he couldn’t…I received roses and a note saying he was thinking of me and missing me. The roses died. They died yesterday. He arrived back yesterday. He won’t contact me yet, it is not Wednesday.
Why do I do it? Why do I sit in the background, in the grey shadows, quietly waiting? Because I don’t want to be trapped. Anyway, how could I, he loves me, he has never said it but I know he loves me. Anyway, I have been trapped once, never again!
The business trip went well. He was very busy. He says it was not the same because I always lighten the load. I bring him pleasure. He says life would never be the same without me, I am his sunshine in the bleak winter of his life. No one is allowed to have me besides him. I am his perfection.
I am his baby doll. I make him laugh and smile. He winds me up with champagne and then releases me, I unwind in a circular dance, he watches… I am his wild child, his freedom and he makes me sing like a canary in a cage, sweet and sorrowfully. I sing only for him and he feeds me bits of his love. He keeps me hungry, always requiring more but he gets tired of the song if it goes on for too long.
Sometimes when he arrives he is angry and then I do not sing. I sit quietly, preening myself until he is ready for me. Waiting is the hardest thing, I want to reassure him, protect him like a mother but he pushes me away. I have to watch and wait. I know his moods. He can be cruel sometimes, especially to his songbird. The bright sunshine canary feathers can be shaded with purple and blue if not careful. He is always sorry. It is because of her…she makes irrational demands. She is unreasonable, irrational, crazy!
I believe him poor man. He is so unhappy with her. If it wasn’t for me, his songbird, his sunshine doll, he would be a misery. I am saving him from her. I am helping him. He has been married to her for twenty years. He says he will leave her one day…he hasn’t yet!
I am his second fiddle!