When I decided to reflect upon what I really desired in my life (a traditional monogamous relationship.) I realised I had become an addict. An addict to online dating: the thrill of a message, a meetup and a moment that would lead inevitably to…nothing permanent, which meant my life was simple, problem free and isolated. However, it still ensured that my basic human needs were being met, if only for a moment in time.
I realised perhaps part of the reason I have been unable to settle down with someone is and was because I am addicted to the dating scene and I have become a throw away culture expert. If my exacting standards are not met, I throw him away, and why not? Because I have needs. This usually happens before I have given the poor man a chance to find out what makes me tick and what I need in a relationship. These endings are hardly painful-they are quick, easy and do not cause either party any pain. This may be an incorrect perception on self preservation or it may be due to the fact that it is a lot easier to create moments that are great for the time they lasted. It is problem free.
However, this problem free lifestyle is a lonely lifestyle and eventually, I realised that the internet dating was destroying my soul. I am and was a cynic, a romantic and ultimately a contradiction.
It is easy to move from one man to the next on the internet dating scene, take what you want from the moment in time and start again. But there are no foundations and no scaffolds to build any relationship. It is truly hollow and superficial. I had become my own worst enemy.
This realisation made me make the decision to remove my profile off all dating website and to not enter the world of singles meetups or speed dating events. You can imagine, my life went from 3 dates per week to absolutely nothing and far too much time for myself. The urge to return to the internet dating, tinder etc. has been incredibly strong. Afterall, I did not struggle for dates and I got lots of positive responses. It was great for the ego.
This strong urge has made me realise that I was and am (for the urge has not disappeared) essentially addicted to internet dating, and if I was, how many others out there are in my position?
It is a conundrum that the internet is meant to bring people together yet it seems to be pushing people further away from each other.
I have been off internet dating since September and whilst I had met someone that I dated for the month of September (sadly, I threw him away at the end of September.) I realised I have developed habits that are counterproductive to my actual values and desires.
This internet dating addiction has created bad habits, hurt good people and created a craving in me that is hard to control. I am tempted daily to upload tinder onto my phone, return to online dating and continue along the path that feeds on the goodness in your soul.
Today, I am attempting to recover from this demon. I would recommend that you (online daters) too turn off online dating apps and begin to meet people in a more natural, fun manner, doing the things that are enjoyable in your life.