I have internet dated in three different countries and in each country the expectations and cultural differences are genuinely surprising. One of the nicest countries to date in, is actually Belguim. There seems to be no expectations on a first date! However, today the focus is on how one behaves when they meet someone that they actually have a genuine connection with and to be utterly truthful, this has rarely happened to me. In fact, I think I can safely conclude that this has happened exactly once!
I had decided to write off the Belgain culture (apologies to all the Belguim people) simply because there was no cultural grounding that I could find with the men I had met, further to that (although I am sure this is urban legend) I had heard that they did not shower daily.
So it was surprising that when I met a half Belguim American French speaking man, I had an incredible connection with him. I have honestly never felt so safe and comfortable with someone, even to the point that I felt I was truly not pretending to be someone else with him; it was even more miraculous that I got through 5 dates and (I hope my Dad isn’t reading this) a weekend together. It was utterly amazing. He was virtually perfect and I had not loud alarm bells ringing in my head.
However, I set sirens off in his head; I often wonder how I manage this. My enthusiasm at my sheer luck for meeting someone I really liked, didn’t quite turn me into a stalker, I had some self control but it did make me break all the supposed rules one is meant to have in order to get a man to fall in love or so I have been led to believe by my lovely daughter:
Rule 1: Don’t invite them up to your apartment on the 1st date- yup- I broke it (but Dad honestly nothing happened, if he was still in the picture, he could verify the information.) I invited him into to mine to meet my kitten, Darcy, as he too had a cat. He was an absolute gentleman.
Rule 2: Respond (not instantly) but respond to texts. I have a dodgy phone so I never know when I receive a text message or not; it took me a few days (and longer than the 3 day rule) to realise he was interested in seeing me and wanted to meet again.
Well, after breaking that rule, my enthusiasm went into overdrive and there were flurries of texts that kept the mood elevated between dates.
And all was well, even up until I left for Malaga with another man. This was a planned holiday with a friend, so I don’t want to hear I told you so! It was whilst in Malaga that I managed to scare this lovely man away from me. I went into text and email overdrive, where I wrote virtually everyday or texted something silly. I hardly gave the poor man time to miss me. What I think were probably cute holiday messages were probably the killer to this potentially beautiful and wonderful relationship! Eagerness, enthusiasm and an exceptional ability to write drove this really lovely man away-reaffirming that my life is one big tragicomedy!
But it gets worse and I am completely ashamed to admit it, as I pine the loss of this genuinely great guy, I took it upon myself to let him know I was missing him a week after the end of the potential relationship.
Now if he is not thinking: Stalker, psycho, nutter about me, he is being really gracious because if someone had done this to me, I would be thinking all of the above!
It makes me wonder how one learns to curb their enthusiasm and stay in control. No doubt, whoever I meet next, I will have hopefully learnt, from this moment in time, to behave in a better manner. But it is just so hard, especially when one meets, for the first time in years, a potential soul mate.
Unfortunately, I raised his alarm bells- such is life!