Making a move and introduce oneself is a complicated process. The social conventions of the past no longer exist and showing an interest in someone is difficult. How does someone grab the attention of another without sounding creepy, weird or just plain crazy?

The first part to comment on is the greeting. Do we keep it casual? How do we address a person that we do not know and what will be polite and respectful. Now, my perspective is automatically gender biased, as I am only able to comment from a woman’s point of view, and realistically, I may have a very different outlook to most woman, but in all honesty, will I feel flattered or impressed with the following greetings:

“Hello Pretty”

“How are you today?”

“I wait to hear from u”

“Bonjour”

“Hi friend”

“hello there, your eyes are lovely….!!!!”

an emoticon and question marks ???

“You are a beautiful woman”

and my personal favourite from a man in Turkey:

“Do you want some Bhm sex”- Can anyone tell me what BHM sex is?

and then my other personal favourite, which bizarrely comes from the Americans is:

“Hello dear”

Now, I agree this is a  very difficult challenge, especially since we have no rules in terms of email or real time conversation, so depending on the individual people may be more open to these greetings than perhaps I am. Plus we are all using cheesy pseudonyms as our internet name, as giving one’s real name can be dangerous. However, the main reason I have an issue with the above is that they do not write anything further. They do not show that they have read your profile blurb and they do not look at the generation that you perhaps come from, for example, emoticons are fine to use once you have gotten to know the person but to try and initiate contact?

Then there are comments about your physical appearance, now this takes us back to the period in time when women were objectified. I know we still are- the excuse being that men are more visual than women. But commenting on a physical aspect of a woman to initiate conversation, doesn’t offer good prospects for us as women!

In fact, I am still confused as to how men can go on many dates, sleep with women and then tell them that they are physically not their match but that is the way it can be!

And then the Turkish man, well one wonders what he is doing on a dating website, he should be on Tinder, swipe left for no, right for yes!

It is hard to write a decent greeting but perhaps a little more than a ‘Hi’ explaining what one likes about their profile may be a little more enticing!

 

Advertisements